Study suggests millennials prefer staying in, crying over student loan debt to clubbing
A surprising new study suggests that millennials prefer staying in over going out clubbing. The study, conducted by independent newspaper the Guardian, was a response to plummeting club attendance and prompted respondents to provide alternative activities they found preferable.
The Guardian provided multiple choice options like “I’m lazier than previous generations” and “I prefer socializing on ‘the Snapchat,'” but also provided an “Other” option for subjects to elaborate.
While the vast majority of respondents stated a preference for staying in, their reasons varied wildly. 30% of millennials surveyed, for instance, stated they’d “already seen Kaskade three times,” while a full 58.5% reported “crying over crippling student loan debt” as a routine Friday night pass time. Consequently, only 10% of millennials surveyed identified a stable, well-paying job with decent benefits as the motivation for a quieter weekend behavior.
The survey was rounded out by 0.49% of respondents identifying as recovering alcoholics who refuse to pay $6 for a soda water, and one lone dude who preferred to read hyper-complimentary reviews posted three days after the event on an EDM blog instead.
April Fools from your friends at Dancing Astronaut.