DA investigates: which DJs could carry a Super Bowl halftime show?

As Justin Timberlake prepares to perform at his second Super Bowl halftime performance Dancing Astronaut got to thinking: when will electronic music finally achieve the mainstream status required for the ultimate American act of validation — a Super Bowl halftime performance slot.

Behold; our curious shortlist for those producers and performers we nominate to carry the torch of performing at this storied American event.

 

Marshmello Ranger

1. Marshmello

This is easy.

  1. Unthreateningly white? Check.
  2. Helmet? Check.
  3. Concussions? Likely among fans.
  4. Surprise pop star guest appearance to add a layer of sexuality bland enough to entice rather than offend? Selena Gomez, come on down.

 

shaqdiesel

2. Shaq

Wrong sport, not actually good, still more interesting than Coldplay.

 

Maceo Plex

3 Maceo Plex

It has been posited by top think tanks across the partisan spectrum that the country could benefit from being led down a communal K hole… and who better than Maceo Plex to play the piper? As anyone who’s stumbled out of a Bushwick warehouse into the harsh light of a new day can attest, it’s an experience not unlike a phoenix rising from the ashes of ones former self. Perhaps it’s just the therapeutic and unifying effort the nation needs right now.

 

 

Diplo

4. Diplo

The only thing that makes football more American than Mad Decent boss Diplo is its inherent violence. Daddy Dip is the epitome of a self-made man, and oh-so-intriguing in his bro-ish, bad boy appeal. The moral panic over twerking has long subsided, so Dip’s obligatory dancer accompaniment isn’t likely to upset the masses. Plus, a guest appearance from millennial fave and Dip doppelgänger James Van Der Beek isn’t out of the question — nothing binds the nation like a shared love for Dawson’s Creek.

 

skrillex and deadmau5
5. Deadmau5 b2b Skrillex

Few things are more quintessentially American than frenemies: from our on-again-off-again origins with The British Empire to the adorably confounding foreign policies of modern day and all the sordid celeb drama in between. Americans of all ilks would likely enjoy watching these two bury the hatchet in an epic b2b over an ice cold Bud Light®. 

 

calvin harris 2017 42 west

6. Calvin Harris

There’s a legitimate argument to be made given his multiple hits at the top of the charts (a Rihanna appearance could be a fun bonus!) and his across the board appeal. Ultimately, a Super Bowl halftime performance would be the ultimate power move over ex Taylor Swift and — aside from our enduring love for Calvin — it is longstanding Dancing Astronaut policy to endorse massively public pettiness over anything else.

 

Wild Card: The Chainsmokers

Okay, hear us out. The duo have come a long way from dumping hot mess electro remixes onto their SoundCloud page.  Sure, there was that one time they literally pressed one button and then cavorted around a stage for like four minutes, but those days are behind us and they’re basically just a band now anyways. After just a matter of years on the scene, producers Alex Pall and Drew Taggart now seem fully hell bent on conquering the world with their admittedly infectious brand of milquetoast EDM Lite® and the Super Bowl halftime show is the obvious next step.

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